Poem: Without Words

[alisanne]

Title: Without Words
Author: alisanne
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Severus Snape/Harry Potter
Word count: 47
Genre: Poetry - Haiku (!!)
Warnings: See genre.
Disclaimer: The characters contained herein are not mine. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.
Notes: My first attempt at Haiku. Written for getyourwordsout's January challenge: Word Bowling. Your goal is to use each of the ten given words [see below], one per line, in a story. This will score a strike. Nine words on nine unique lines scores a spare. Eight words on eight unique lines is a split. The words don’t have to be used in the order given.
Words assigned: vigor, furniture, capacity, straight, edge, colloquial, rotate, collide, pupil, red. They have been highlighted to show they are in different lines as per the challenge. :)



~

Without Words

~

Moving with vigor
Their hips rotate in tandem
furniture can’t hold

Pupils wide with lust
Balanced on the edge of bliss
Lion and snake collide

Capacity strained
Legs around waist, red marks displayed
Joy is straight ahead

Happiness attained
Colloquial words express
What their hearts can’t hold

~

Comments

[teigh_corvus]

Nicely done! This is impressive - you worked within two relatively strict structures [the challenge and the poetic form], AND managed to work characters and a wide stripe of smut in. *highfives*

[alisanne]

Thank you!
*high fives back*
Writing poetry was on my list of new things I wanted to do this year, so score! *g*

[shaddyr]

YOU TOTALLY NAILED THIS!

Awesome!

[alisanne]

Eee, thank you!
Haiku is not too bad. :)
As I expand into others forms things may get hairy...

[lilyseyes]

Wow - ingenious, bb! This is amazing!

[alisanne]

*glomps*
Thank you, bb!
I really appreciate the title assistance and the support. <3

[smallhobbit]

Word bowling and haiku - impressive. And congratulations on your foray into poetry!

[alisanne]

Thank you!
While this is...different for me, it does remind me a little bit of drabbling, where every word is important. Counting syllables is something I never thought I'd be doing, though. :)

[herumtreiber]

Beautifully made haikus! The challenge is very hard, but you made it seem easy!

[alisanne]

Thank you! :)
I am always in awe of how simple you make it seem, so this is a lovely complement.

[herumtreiber]

You're welcome! :)

[alisanne]

♥

[rebecca_selene]

Colloquial words express
What their hearts can’t hold

Those are the kinds of lines in poetry that make me catch my breath from the power they hold. Beautiful!

[alisanne]

Oh wow!
Thank you so much, dear. I am thrilled to bits with your response. <3