alisanne | Fic: Snakes Be Praised

Title: Snakes Be Praised
Author:

alisanne
Rating: PG
Pairing: Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy
Summary: Draco will go to any lengths to get what he wants... and needs.
Word Count: 1332
Genre: Humor
Warnings: None.
A/N: Written for my darling

kit who can has birthday nao! *glomps her* Sorry, babe. I tried to make it smutty, but teh muse, she can be stubborn. Happy Birthday, darling! ♥
Prompt: Acousticophilia: a form of paraphilia where sexual arousal is derived from sounds like music, poems or foreign-language chitchat.
Beta: the incomparable

sevfan
Disclaimer: The characters contained herein are not mine. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.

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Snakes Be Praised

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The odd thing was, Draco didn’t even like snakes. Strange for a member of Slytherin house, but there it was. Because of this, the first time Draco encountered a snake, he ran.

That had not gone over well with his father, and by the time he got to Hogwarts, Draco was adept at concealing his antipathy towards his own house mascot.

Which was why, perhaps, the first time he heard it, it had been such a shock. Admittedly, the circumstances had been odd. It had been his first public duel with someone not a member of his family, and when he’d conjured the snake, it had been the most frightening spell he could think of. And then... Then Potter had suddenly begun speaking in Parseltongue, and Draco was lost. It had been all he could do to get back to the dorm after the demonstration and wank himself raw. It had to have been some spell.

After that he kept an even closer eye on Potter, and would occasionally sneak after him to see if he was out talking to the grass snakes or something. Not that he liked the snake talk, oh no. This was just scientific investigation. Pure and simple.

But Potter somehow always eluded him, Draco could never figure out how, and it wasn’t until the end of the war when he and Potter ended up working together that he had his chance to be sure.

“I can’t believe we got this assignment,” Potter grumbled as they tromped through the woods in search of another cell of Death Eaters. “Why do we always get the messy stuff?”

Draco shrugged and kept on walking. He wasn’t about to tell Potter that he kept requesting jobs that took them into areas where they might run into snakes. That would be entirely too embarrassing. Plus, Draco then might have to admit that it was the thought of Potter speaking Parseltongue that turned him on, not just any random bloke.

Merlin knew he’d heard the Dark Lord speak it often enough at Malfoy Manor and he’d never had any urge to jump his bones.

When Potter walked ahead, using a stick to poke into the bushes so they could advance safely, it freed Draco up to eye Potter’s shapely arse through his trousers and daydream about what they could be doing... That was probably why he ran smack into Potter when he stopped unexpectedly. “Someone’s up ahead,” Potter hissed, and Draco shuddered slightly.

Potter mistook his reaction for fear. “Hold yourself together, Malfoy,” he said, grabbing his arm. “We’re two highly-trained Aurors, we can handle this.”

Draco nodded, deciding that the unfortunate choice of the word ‘handle’ should not distract him from the current task.

They approached stealthily, creeping forward step by step. There was definitely someone inhabiting the cottage they could see in the clearing. The curl of smoke from the chimney was a dead giveaway.

Then, it happened. The moment Draco had been waiting for just about forever. In all the months they had been slogging through the wilderness, chasing every rumour of Death Eaters, they hadn’t once encountered one, but now, they had.

A snake lay in the path just in front of them, and as Potter stepped down on a twig it reared its head and hissed sharply.

Draco recoiled and Potter froze.

Draco held his breath. Was he going to do it?

“Sssshaarcrethsssss,” Potter said, or something similar; Draco couldn’t be sure as his blood was too busy rushing away from the auditory centres of his brain to his cock.

The snake weaved in the air a bit then seemed to tilt its head before a small, hissed response came from it.

As the ensuing conversation unfolded, Draco was hard-pressed to bite back a moan. Potter had clearly gained prowess in his ability to speak Parseltongue, at least it appeared so to Draco’s untutored ear. Either that, or he’d somehow learned how to speak trouser Parseltongue. Based in his own reaction, Draco would have to count him an expert in that department.

“Sssshe saysss there’sss ssssomeone in the houssse and they have masssksss,” Potter turned to Draco a moment later and said.

Draco’s mouth dropped open and he would have sworn he drooled a bit.

“Draco?” Potter snapped his fingers sharply in front of his face making him blink. “You there?”

“What? Oh... yes,” Draco said, blinking as if coming out of a spell. “Erm, right. Sorry about that, it’s just... You were hissing and I wasn’t sure of what you were saying exactly.”

Potter blushed slightly. “Oh. Yeah, sorry about that. I tend to do that after speaking Parseltongue. Something about switching back to human language take a few seconds... anyway, Ssseduceyousssoon says there’s a bunch of wizards in there with masks.”

Draco gaped once more. “W... who says what?” he asked.

“Ssseduceyoussoon. That’s the snake’s name. She says...” Potter paused. “What is it now?”

Draco shook his head. “Her name’s what?”

Potter rolled his eyes. “Ssseduceyiousssoon. That’s as close as I can get in English, I’m afraid. Anyway, she says we need to be careful. They have big sticks, I suspect she means wands, and they’re probably prepared to use them.”

Draco licked his lips. He knew what Potter was saying was important, but for the life of him, he couldn’t get past the first word he’d said. It sounded too much like what Draco really wished would happen.

“So, um, what should we do, then?” he managed, still staring at Potter’s lips.

“We circle around the back and go in through the rear,” Potter said, and Draco nodded. Sounded glorious to him.

“Yeah, okay,” he said. “You go first.”

As Potter led the way, Draco centred himself to focus on the possible fight ahead. He wouldn’t survive long enough to jump Potter unless they made it through this...

The back door was ahead of them and Potter crept up to it, leaning over to peer inside. He did a double take and, to Draco’s consternation, began chuckling softly while gesturing him to come closer.

Draco peered over Potter’s shoulder and in through the window. There, standing around clad in warm Muggle clothing, were men with woollen caps pulled over their faces. They all carried what Draco recognized as rifles. Muggle Studies was finally paying off.

“Masked men with big sticks,” Harry giggled, and Draco smiled. “Although I wonder why they need to wear masks?”

“I guess it is cold out here for a Muggle. Especially since they can’t do a Warming Charm,” Draco whispered back.

Potter nodded and stepped back before Draco was ready and the two of them collapsed onto the ground with a thud.

“Who’s there?” someone from inside called out, and Draco managed to cast a quick Disillusionment Spell on them just before one of the hunters stepped outside to investigate.

“It’s nothing,” he called back. “Probably a badger or something. Let’s go get some quail!”

Draco watched the men leave, savouring the feel of Potter’s warm body lying on top of him. It was likely as close as he was going to get...

“She said you liked me,” Potter whispered.

Draco blinked. “What? Who?”

“Ssseduceyiousssoon,” Potter said. “She said something about you being my mate and I told her we weren’t together and she said you wanted us to be. Was she right?”

Draco tried to answer but couldn’t and then realized that that reaction, of course, was an answer in itself.

Potter smiled and hissed something. Draco’s trouser snake, predictably, tried to respond. Potter’s eyes widened. “I guess she was,” he said.

As Potter kissed him, Draco decided that perhaps snakes weren’t that bad. And maybe now he could stop manufacturing false rumours of Death Eaters for them to investigate. After all, he imagined exploring this kink with Potter would be much more comfortable on a bed than out in the wilderness. After all, they didn’t need a snake to bring them together anymore.

~